I've been feeling really lousy the past 6 weeks or so. Depressed, anxious, almost constant headaches and migraines. Not good. This is not uncommon for me. Challenging times. In the past, I've considered trying a gluten-free diet to see if it helped at all. But change takes more motivation than I typically have when I am feeling so poorly.
My lovely mother-in-law encouraged me to see what happens if I avoid gluten for a while. Just the motivation I've been needing! To top it off, she ordered a bunch of gluten-free products for me from this company. Have I ever mentioned that I have the most loving and thoughtful mother-in-law ever? Well I do!
My shipment of gluten-free products arrived yesterday. The kids and I made some cookies from one of the mixes today. I was curious how they would turn out. I almost always bake from scratch. Plus most gluten-free flour I've tasted is not great. But these? Yum! After a healthy and gluten-free dinner, I baked a dozen of the cookies. My husband, daughter, and son each had two cookies. I had two cookies, too. Interestingly, all twelve cookies are gone... and I am hoping that your math skills are worse than mine.
Showing posts with label depression. Show all posts
Showing posts with label depression. Show all posts
Saturday, September 10, 2011
Friday, June 3, 2011
A jumble of thoughts
1. About a year ago, I made myself a chore chart. My goal was to complete one or two scheduled household chores each day for each two week period. There are 52 weeks in a year. That makes 26 chances I have had to complete all the chores on my list. Not once have I actually succeeded in doing every chore on my list. Perhaps I need to come to terms with the fact that my house will always be dirtier than I wish it was. The chore I most often avoid? Dusting.
2. I've really been struggling lately with feelings of discouragement and a lack of energy. It is reminding me of the depression and anxiety I have so often experienced. But I don't want to call it that! I don't want to go down that road again. Life is good. I live with a very strange mix of pure joy and nearly overwhelming discouragement. Working in the garden and hiking with my family are my most effective forms of "therapy."
3. Teaching my kids at home is something I never thought I would do. I feel like homeschooling found me, and I am so glad it did! I am extremely blessed to have this time with my kids. Yes, there are days when I am tired and wouldn't mind a small break, but I wouldn't trade this opportunity for anything (not even hundreds of quiet days to myself).
4. The Bible is the most amazing book! Even after reading through it multiple times, I am constantly surprised and encouraged by the new things I find.
5. I lived alone for a while in my early twenties. One weekend I realized that I had been home by myself for three days and did not feel even remotely lonely or bored. I hadn't talked to anyone, seen anyone, hadn't even watched TV or listened to the radio. I think I can safely call myself an introvert. The most challenging part of parenting for me has been the fact that I am never alone!
6. The gophers and squirrels in my yard are taunting me. I think they know I don't have the heart to harm them. They poke their little heads out of the dirt and watch me as I work in the garden. Maybe they are cheering me on. "Way to go! Keep working! We will really enjoy eating all these great vegetables you are planting!"
That's all for now. Maybe someday soon I will have some more coherent thoughts!
2. I've really been struggling lately with feelings of discouragement and a lack of energy. It is reminding me of the depression and anxiety I have so often experienced. But I don't want to call it that! I don't want to go down that road again. Life is good. I live with a very strange mix of pure joy and nearly overwhelming discouragement. Working in the garden and hiking with my family are my most effective forms of "therapy."
3. Teaching my kids at home is something I never thought I would do. I feel like homeschooling found me, and I am so glad it did! I am extremely blessed to have this time with my kids. Yes, there are days when I am tired and wouldn't mind a small break, but I wouldn't trade this opportunity for anything (not even hundreds of quiet days to myself).
4. The Bible is the most amazing book! Even after reading through it multiple times, I am constantly surprised and encouraged by the new things I find.
5. I lived alone for a while in my early twenties. One weekend I realized that I had been home by myself for three days and did not feel even remotely lonely or bored. I hadn't talked to anyone, seen anyone, hadn't even watched TV or listened to the radio. I think I can safely call myself an introvert. The most challenging part of parenting for me has been the fact that I am never alone!
6. The gophers and squirrels in my yard are taunting me. I think they know I don't have the heart to harm them. They poke their little heads out of the dirt and watch me as I work in the garden. Maybe they are cheering me on. "Way to go! Keep working! We will really enjoy eating all these great vegetables you are planting!"
That's all for now. Maybe someday soon I will have some more coherent thoughts!
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Depression
The blessings in my life are enormous. I live with a constant sense of joy primarily because I have a relationship with Jesus and I know I am loved by Jesus. Many other things bring joy into my life as well: my husband, my kids, warm and sunny days, tulips and daffodils, chocolate, reading great books, hiking, gardening, etc. For all these things I am extremely thankful.
Despite all this, I live with a constant "thorn in my flesh." I write this post not to share my pain, but to let others know that they are not alone. You can experience healing and reach out for help. We will experience pain and sorrow in life, but we can continue to have hope and even joy.
Beginning in my teen years (if not before), I was extremely depressed and often suicidal. I shared my sadness and thoughts with no one. I didn't want anyone to try to talk me out of suicide as I thought it was really my best option. The only thing that stopped me from attempting to kill myself was fear of failure. Am I ever glad that I was so scared to fail! I withdrew from just about everyone in my life.
As a young adult I worked for a suicide hot-line. I always found it very strange that people called. I really assumed that it was normal to want to die all the time. I didn't yet understand the dynamic of being torn between suicidal thoughts and wanting to live. That understanding came later for me.
It was a few years after my employment with the suicide hot-line that I finally realized I was truly depressed and eventually did something about it. Here are some things that I have found to be extremely beneficial for treating depression:
1. Prayer and Bible reading
2. Exercise
3. Journaling
4. Talking to a trusted friend
5. Counseling (sometimes it is so helpful to have a neutral party to talk to)
6. Eating a healthy diet and cutting back on sugar and caffeine
7. Participating in hobbies that you enjoy
8. St. John's Wort and other herbal remedies
9. Prescription Medication - I am not fond of relying on medications, but sometimes they are very beneficial, especially if you are first trying to treat severe depression.
10. Spending time in the sun as much as possible
11. Getting enough sleep, but not too much. If you are sleeping a lot and are still tired, it will probably be most helpful to exercise.
12. Volunteering or doing something kind for a friend or family member
All of these things have helped me immensely. But by no means have any of these things cured my depression. I continue to deal with depression to some extent on a daily basis. I continue to have times when it gets pretty severe and I have to force myself to choose life and emotional health by doing something (or lots of things) from the list above.
After giving birth to my son, I experienced terrible post-partum depression that finally caused me to understand and empathize with the people I'd talked to on the suicide hot-line so many years before. I could think of nothing but death, and how I was going to accomplish it. But oddly, at the same time I wanted more than anything to live and be a wonderful mother for my children. We each have a purpose in life. Everyone of us is valuable and can do something to contribute to the lives of others. God has an important plan for your life!
In spite of the challenges that depression has created in my life, I am thankful that it has helped me to be more empathetic toward others and that it has caused me to rely more on God. In this I find great joy even in my times of deep depression and sadness.
If you are struggling with depression, I urge you to reach out and seek help. The initial step is the toughest one to take, but it is so worthwhile. I encourage you to choose life!
Despite all this, I live with a constant "thorn in my flesh." I write this post not to share my pain, but to let others know that they are not alone. You can experience healing and reach out for help. We will experience pain and sorrow in life, but we can continue to have hope and even joy.
Beginning in my teen years (if not before), I was extremely depressed and often suicidal. I shared my sadness and thoughts with no one. I didn't want anyone to try to talk me out of suicide as I thought it was really my best option. The only thing that stopped me from attempting to kill myself was fear of failure. Am I ever glad that I was so scared to fail! I withdrew from just about everyone in my life.
As a young adult I worked for a suicide hot-line. I always found it very strange that people called. I really assumed that it was normal to want to die all the time. I didn't yet understand the dynamic of being torn between suicidal thoughts and wanting to live. That understanding came later for me.
It was a few years after my employment with the suicide hot-line that I finally realized I was truly depressed and eventually did something about it. Here are some things that I have found to be extremely beneficial for treating depression:
1. Prayer and Bible reading
2. Exercise
3. Journaling
4. Talking to a trusted friend
5. Counseling (sometimes it is so helpful to have a neutral party to talk to)
6. Eating a healthy diet and cutting back on sugar and caffeine
7. Participating in hobbies that you enjoy
8. St. John's Wort and other herbal remedies
9. Prescription Medication - I am not fond of relying on medications, but sometimes they are very beneficial, especially if you are first trying to treat severe depression.
10. Spending time in the sun as much as possible
11. Getting enough sleep, but not too much. If you are sleeping a lot and are still tired, it will probably be most helpful to exercise.
12. Volunteering or doing something kind for a friend or family member
All of these things have helped me immensely. But by no means have any of these things cured my depression. I continue to deal with depression to some extent on a daily basis. I continue to have times when it gets pretty severe and I have to force myself to choose life and emotional health by doing something (or lots of things) from the list above.
After giving birth to my son, I experienced terrible post-partum depression that finally caused me to understand and empathize with the people I'd talked to on the suicide hot-line so many years before. I could think of nothing but death, and how I was going to accomplish it. But oddly, at the same time I wanted more than anything to live and be a wonderful mother for my children. We each have a purpose in life. Everyone of us is valuable and can do something to contribute to the lives of others. God has an important plan for your life!
In spite of the challenges that depression has created in my life, I am thankful that it has helped me to be more empathetic toward others and that it has caused me to rely more on God. In this I find great joy even in my times of deep depression and sadness.
If you are struggling with depression, I urge you to reach out and seek help. The initial step is the toughest one to take, but it is so worthwhile. I encourage you to choose life!
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Another journal entry from December
A question was posed to me regarding my faith and if I had any doubts in God's promises. Answering truthfully, I know in my mind that God can do all things and heal all things. But my heart hasn't trusted that He will choose to heal me from depression and anxiety. I have long struggled with the fact that my times of severe depression keep me from serving others as God has purposed for me to do. Depression has so often caused me to be miserable and ineffective in life. The following is a bit of God's response to me regarding my doubts.
John 15: 1-17 "I am the true vine and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful. You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. Remain in me, and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me. I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. If anyone does not remain in me, he is like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned. If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be given you. This is to my Father's glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples.
As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. If you obey my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have obeyed my Father's commands and remain in His love. I have told you this so my joy may be in you and your joy may be complete. My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. You are my friends if you do what I command. I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his masters business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you. You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit - fruit that will last. Then the Father will give you whatever you ask in my name. This is my command: Love each other."
Some of the things that stood out to me in this passage:
1. God (the gardener) cuts off every branch that bears no fruit. I believe that includes things like disabling depression. And he prunes the other branches so they will be more fruitful. God has been working on lots of pruning in my life this past year! And there is lots still to be done.
2. "If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing."
3. "If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be given you. This is to my Father's glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples.
4. "I have told you this so my joy may be in you and your joy may be complete." That one stood out a lot. I view joy as the opposite of depression.
This is the prayer that followed as a result of meditating on this passage of scripture:
Dear God, you know my heart. You know my desire to bear fruit, my desire to show your love to others. You know my doubts, too. Please forgive me for my lack of faith. I claim Jesus' words in my life Lord. I am clean in Jesus, with Jesus I can bear fruit, for God's glory I can ask for what I wish (healing), Jesus provides me with his complete joy, God chose me and appointed me to go and bear fruit - to love others. I praise you God for your promises. And I ask you, in Jesus' name to heal me from the disabling effects of depression. Thank you God! Amen.
John 15: 1-17 "I am the true vine and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful. You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. Remain in me, and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me. I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. If anyone does not remain in me, he is like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned. If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be given you. This is to my Father's glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples.
As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. If you obey my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have obeyed my Father's commands and remain in His love. I have told you this so my joy may be in you and your joy may be complete. My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. You are my friends if you do what I command. I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his masters business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you. You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit - fruit that will last. Then the Father will give you whatever you ask in my name. This is my command: Love each other."
Some of the things that stood out to me in this passage:
1. God (the gardener) cuts off every branch that bears no fruit. I believe that includes things like disabling depression. And he prunes the other branches so they will be more fruitful. God has been working on lots of pruning in my life this past year! And there is lots still to be done.
2. "If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing."
3. "If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be given you. This is to my Father's glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples.
4. "I have told you this so my joy may be in you and your joy may be complete." That one stood out a lot. I view joy as the opposite of depression.
This is the prayer that followed as a result of meditating on this passage of scripture:
Dear God, you know my heart. You know my desire to bear fruit, my desire to show your love to others. You know my doubts, too. Please forgive me for my lack of faith. I claim Jesus' words in my life Lord. I am clean in Jesus, with Jesus I can bear fruit, for God's glory I can ask for what I wish (healing), Jesus provides me with his complete joy, God chose me and appointed me to go and bear fruit - to love others. I praise you God for your promises. And I ask you, in Jesus' name to heal me from the disabling effects of depression. Thank you God! Amen.
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