Intentions

It has been a frustrating day.  Did anyone else have one of those?  It was the kind of day where I was tired and in lots of pain.  The kids were fighting and misbehaving and I wasn't as patient as I should have been.  It left me frustrated with them, but much more frustrated with myself. 

I often become focused on all the good intentions that I have or have had, and how I've failed to follow through on so many of them.  It is frustrating.  And even more so when I think how that might impact my kids.  When I establish a rule or habit for them, follow through with it for a couple weeks, and then mostly forget about it, what am I teaching them?  When I set a goal for myself and fail to reach it, fail to even keep trying, what am I teaching them?

Part of the problem lies in my desire for perfection.  I tend to set my expectations too high.  The remainder of the problem comes from giving up completely when I realize I have run out of the energy needed to live up to my own expectations.

Dear Jesus,  Please help me to seek you and your will first.  Please give me wisdom to determine what goals you want me to set, which you want me to work on now, and which ones are for later.  Please forgive me for my impatience today with my kids and with myself.  Thank you for your patience with me.  Please help me to train my children in your ways, with love and grace.  Amen.

My journal entry from December

Reading through my journal, I stumbled upon this today.

There is so much on my mind.  I have a great desire to educate my brain, to teach and train my children, to exercise my body, to do away with my bad habits, to reach out to others and make a positive difference in the world, and to draw closer to God and dive deeper into spiritual understanding.  I know I can't make all these great changes 100% effectively all at once.  Where should I begin?  I could spend all my spare time in any one of these areas.  In the meantime, my home is a dirty and messy area and is making me feel crazy!  Every day seems to require more energy than I have.  I long for more energy, more discipline of my time, more patience for how things are.  How do I balance between being joyful and content with life while continuing to strive for higher goals?

Dear God, please remind me to daily seek your will, your wisdom, your strength.  I am helpless on my own - overwhelmed by my desires for perfection.  You don't require "perfection" as I view it.  Instead, Lord, I give You my heart and will.  Thank you for being a gentle and patient God!  Amen.